Your Monday Morning Epileptic Seizure

Image by Hryck. via Flickr

I never forget that I am sick, but some days it is just pushed in my face.  I had another seizure on Monday.  I was home by myself when this one happened.  I don’t remember the actual seizure itself, I just know I woke up scared.  I was on the floor and had no idea where I was or why I was there.  I wasn’t quite sure of my own identity.  I couldn’t find my glasses and my head hurt.  Then my phone rang and that brought me back to the present.  I talked to my dad for about 30 minutes still not knowing what had happened, but I was afraid to say anything to him about it.  I was having problems thinking of words and I couldn’t remember my friends names.  After I got off the phone I just sat at the table and started crying.  That is when I realized that I must have had a seizure, fallen off the chair, hit my head and somehow took off my glasses.  So that is 2 seizures 10 days apart.  Seizures only occur in 2-5% of MS patients, so it’s rare even for us.  So here is the real problem.  If I tell people about these seizures, I will lose my license, the right to swim by myself or even take a bath, or put myself in any situation that I could possibly endanger myself.  That is a loss of a lot of freedoms.  I’m still not sure how I feel about this whole situation.  I’m not ready to admit that this is really happening.  And it might take a third seizure to really make me face it.  Until then, I will be as careful as I can be while still maintaining my independence.  I was alone for the second seizure and I only hit my head.  It could have been a lot worse.  But I can’t really live each day thinking that I could have a seizure at any moment.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know yet.