This is my first post and I have no idea what I am doing.  A friend suggested I start a blog probably just to get me to stop bitching to her about my life.  I’ve had an interesting couple of years to say the least.  My life has been riddled with adultery, an affair with my boss, pregnancy, adoption, alcoholism, drug addiction, Multiple Sclerosis, ankle injury leading to permanent damage, two suicide attempts, abandonment by my family, living in a group home and finally ending up with my Aunt.  As I write this I am just in shock about my life.  How did it all get to this point?  What mistakes did I make?  Is this just bad Karma or maybe God and the Devil really do exist?   Are my parents bad people for leaving me sick and alone or do I deserve it?  Those are just a few of the unanswered questions I have.  The same friend that suggested blogging also suggested writing a book.  Maybe, if I take this blog seriously, I can put it all together at the end of my story.  Who knows.

I’m going to do this backward which means beginning with my disease and ending with my affair.  Saving the juicy stuff for the end, though it really is the best part of the story.  I have Multiple Sclerosis.  I was diagnosed in September 2008 after a 10 day stay in the hospital for total body numbness.  I went in denial after the diagnosis, took my prednisone and all my feeling came back. I dealt with the lethargy and flu-like symptoms as best I could.  I skipped my appointment with a MS specialist and pretended that I wasn’t sick.  In May of 2009 I was fired/quit.  I’ve changed that story so many times in my head I’m not even sure what really happened anymore.  I lost my insurance and I’ve been sick ever since.  A few months after I was fired/quit I had another full-blown MS attack and was hospitalized for a week.  At that point I applied for Medicaid and Social Security Disability for the first time.  The morning after I was released I broke my ankle.  I was in and out  of the hospital for the year of 2010 for various reasons.

Progression types of Multiple sclerosis

Image via Wikipedia

Now to the present.  I had a seizure last Friday.  I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance where the doctors could find no answers other than I have a kidney infection.  The hospital trip was horrible.  I had a bitchy nurse who thought I was suicidal and wanted to put a 1013 on me and lock me up for 72 hours.  I was understandably upset.  I had just had a seizure.  I was not suicidal and I explained that to the police and doctors.  It was a miserable experience.  But I am still scared and I have no answers.  I don’t know why I wasn’t admitted and given an EEG or admitted for my kidney infection.  So there is nothing I can do about the seizure but I was given antibiotics for my kidney infection as well as for a yeast infection in my mouth.  And now I have a problem.  I depend on my Aunt for my medicine and she has made no attempt to get the prescription filled for me.  The cost is $4 and I thought it was essential.  My aunt is an ER nurse so I figure she knows this, but I guess not.  From what I have read a kidney infection will turn bad if not treated.  I really don’t want the infection to go into my blood stream or for one of my kidneys to fail.  I’ve had two acute kidney failures this past year as well.  Both from kidney infections.  For some reason I can’t tell if I have one.  The doctor this weekend said that I probably have nerve damage in my system from the MS causing me not to feel the UTI or the kidney infection.

So I guess I will just sit here and wait.  Wait for my kidneys to start to fail and I end up in the hospital again.  What’s one more hospital stay to add to the count?